In 49 days my beautiful, talented first born will graduate from high school. I have bouts of pride, worry and pain at that thought. She has come so far from her freshman year. Then she was an upset, angry little girl who had just been moved to another country and shoved into a new school, full of strangers within a week of arrival and expected to just adjust.
Today, she is a young woman with a warrior’s heart. She is passionate about her beliefs and quick to defend anyone she sees as mistreated or misunderstood. She often fights the battles of even those who are, or who have been unkind to her. She is pretty on the outside but her heart is the prettiest thing about her.
She is headstrong and opinionated and so smart. She is like other teens and young adults who think they have all the answers. I try to cut her some slack with that. I am older but I still remember thinking I had the answers too. She would be happier sometimes if she were not so quick to argue/share them but that will come with time. Often, though as an adult I hate to admit it, her answers are smarter and much kinder and more Christ like than mine. I learn from her more often than she knows. I know as she grows she will learn ways to present her thoughts, without impatience and anger, when others are slow to listen or don’t agree with her.
Lately, I have fussed at her to clean her room because she is having friends over and we have movers coming, etc. But I think of her room and I cry. Not because it is messy but because in the fall it won’t be. She will go to college in the fall. I will go with her, settle her in and leave her many states away the day after she turns 18. I will hold her and cry, knowing if it is God’s will she will be in my arms again, but not until Christmas break.
For 8 years of marriage we had no children. This brought me to tears many times. Now I will cry again, many times. Not because I have no child, but because that precious baby who grew under and in my heart, is a child no more.
I am so proud of the woman she has become, but oh how I wish I could hold back time for just a little longer. I know I will never be really ready for this moment though. So like a good military mom, I will press on, putting her in God’s hands and knowing that is enough.
"For this child I prayed and the Lord has granted me my petition which I asked of Him."
1 Samuel 1:27